THE LATECOMER

from Wisdom of Our Fathers by Tim Russert NY: Random House, May 2006

by Allan Shedlin

      My dad took an earlier flight than he had planned so he could get to the dock in time to see me shove off for my certifying exam in sculling.  At eighty-seven, he looked incredibly robust, and was carrying his camera to record this mini-milestone in a sport I had taken up a week earlier to commemorate my sixtieth birthday.  I had always wanted to learn to row, but I never had the time.  I had always wanted my father to show an interest in my athletic endeavors, but he never seemed to have the time.

     For decades I told myself that expectations for men in the 1940s and 1950s were different from today, and that fathers had not been expected to be much more than breadwinners and disciplinarians.  But all my rationalizing did little to lessen the sadness I felt.  Sometimes there is a roughness to the world that only a dad can smooth out.

     I could never have imagined that I would have to wait until I was the grandfather of four, and he the great-grandfather of eight, for him to attend one of my sports events.  And I certainly couldn’t have known that his showing up at one would still matter to me and would feel so good.  I guess the desire and need for paternal support and approval is so strong that it trumps reasonable evidence that such support may not be forthcoming.  Even when submerged, the longing remains intense.

     While the biological act of fathering entails no real commitment, the ongoing process of daddying requires a lifelong commitment to your children.  But it’s never too late to begin the process of becoming the father you want to be, the one you always wished you had.

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