DADS Unlimited Launches (continued) Page 2

Lifelong Daddying - Expanding What it Means to be a Father
In 1994, Shedlin coined the term "daddying" to distinguish the active, ongoing process of male parenting from the one-time, biological act of fathering. Daddying is a father's (or surrogate father's) lifelong commitment to his child's physical, emotional, social, intellectual/creative, and moral/spiritual well being.

Over the past six years, Shedlin has conducted thousands of hours of daddying interviews with kids, dads, and granddads. He has crisscrossed the United States and crossed the Atlantic Ocean to speak with and listen to a broad socioeconomic and ethnic spectrum of kids (5-21 years old) and dads and granddads (16-87 years old) in three countries (the U.S., England, and Switzerland). Shedlin's ongoing discussions about daddying with kids and adults have yielded several significant findings:

  • There is an overwhelming consensus about the qualities that kids want most in their dads, the very same ones dads want to cultivate. They are the same qualities that child development experts agree kids (and adults) need in order to lead fulfilled and fulfilling lives.
  • There is an almost universal yearning by kids for dads to be more present in their lives. That craving compounds over the years and remains into adult life. The feeling is echoed by dads and granddads, whose longing for greater involvement with their own dads generated lingering sadness and resignation.
  • There is an under-appreciated reciprocity of benefits to children and men alike when dads and their kids are more positively involved in each other's lives. Likewise, although it is generally agreed that there are not enough men in the lives of children, it is rarely noted that there are not enough children in the lives of men.
  • Parenting does not take place in a vacuum - it is dramatically influenced by multiple family "players" as well as a range of outside forces and policies.
  • Most dads are eager to become the best fathers they can be.
  • Many men feel the presence of a glass ceiling at home just as many women feel it at work.
An analysis of dads' and kids' responses, coupled with current research on responsible fatherhood, led Shedlin to conclude that becoming the dad children want and need their fathers to be is not as daunting as many men believe.

Meeting an Urgent Need
"Today, it's no surprise to encounter fathers who are primary caretakers of their children and who are responsible for the visits to the doctor. Yet, pediatricians sense all is not well with this new role and arrangement men have undertaken," said George D. Comerci, M.D., former president, American Academy of Pediatrics. "Often, one senses a level of discomfort in many of these fathers - feelings of inadequacy in their new role and discomfort with caretaker responsibilities. It's clear men need help in their new role as nurturing, loving fathers. Shedlin's Lifelong DADDYING concept will go a long way in filling this urgent need."


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